Memo to UK 'anarchists'...

It has come to my recent attention that you are possibly planning to crash the wedding of Prince William and 'princess' Kate. I just have one question for you, are you fucking nuts? I don't pretend to know why the British still worship (or even tolerate) the royal family in the 21st century but I can tell you this much, if you screw with this wedding prepare for some nasty consequences. If there are some imports from the US doing this, remember there is no US constitution in the UK. If they arrest you, they can beat your ass and hold you, without pressing charges, for as long as they want. You could even, ahem, 'disappear' with some MI-6 or SAS agents dumping your body in the Atlantic and you are never heard from again. To a certain extent I couldn't blame them but if you want to make a statement fine but keep in mind, if you somehow 'succeed' there WILL be hell to pay.

Failblog/Failbook/FML friday...

This is a hybrid of 2 old features of this blog. This will become a regular feature now.





















































Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML

Today, I found out that our water tank has had a dead crow rotting in it for days. I took showers and brushed my teeth with dead crow soup. FML

Today, I finally finished my art project which was worth 50% of my quarterly grade. I came in 1st period to give it to her. When she turned to look at it, her elbow hit her coffee and spilled it all over the canvas. I got 60%. She said I would have had a 100%, except for the giant coffee stain. FML

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'll be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

Today, at work I wrote up my boyfriend (whom I've been secretly dating, because I'm his supervisor) for being $40 short on his register. Our policy is to write up anyone short over $10. He got mad and told my boss we're dating, and I was instantly fired. Then I got dumped for being a "tattle-tale". FML

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML

oday, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML

very demotivational Wednesday's...

It's the middle of the week and we need to laugh... this will become a regular installment

Japan Earthquake Predicted by Remote Viewers

This stuff is real people, I know I don't usually go this route but I just thought you should know that there is stuff out there that is creepy as hell like this and true.

I've got to give him credit...

Unlike a lot of my conservative colleagues, I like James Carville. The man has serious balls, (and if you believe how he was portrayed by Billy Bob Thorton in 'Primary Colors' he enjoyed showing them off too) and has been the butt of many jokes since he predicted in a book that liberals and Democrats would enjoy a 40 year reign after Obama's sweep into office. I'd argue that the only reason his thesis didn't come true was because of the Tea Party, after 2008 I was apt to agree with that statement and boy was it depressing. It seemed we had lost the argument. Anyway here is a newzweek article he penned about his fearless prediction.

All right, maybe my timing was a little off.

I know a bit about selling books, and you need a good title—a catchy concoction with a little Cajun spice, something that will make folks stop in the aisles, turn away from the Grisham novels and the latest crazy diet fad, and pick up your masterpiece.
So when Barack Obama seemed headed for the White House and my party was riding high, I conjured up this one: 40 More Years: How the Democrats Will Rule the Next Generation.

Yeah, I know. Lots of people have had fun throwing it back at me since the book came out in the spring of 2009. My reliably Republican wife, Mary Matalin, has gotten off a couple of zingers. But I don’t believe in hedging my bets. Forty is a play on the “four more years” chant of many incumbent campaigns. I haven’t given up the thesis; still got 38 years to go. But the early returns from the precincts aren’t very good.

It’s not a whole lot of fun hanging out there with that title. Kind of like James Glassman writing Dow 36,000 just before the dotcom crash. Now don’t judge me by the cover alone. I made the argument that every growing demographic in this country—nonwhite voters, younger people—is trending Democratic. It’s a ticking time bomb for the GOP. That’s why I felt safe in saying that “Republicans have no hope of making serious inroads into Democratic advantages in 2010 or likely 2012 or 2014 and so on.” And just for kicks, I told the Republicans to get a better prescription-drug policy because “they’re gonna need a lot more Prozac.” So why did the Dems wind up depressed after losing the House? The problem is a bad economy dampened turnout among key Democratic groups in a non-presidential year. But the enthusiasm will bounce back when Obama’s on the ballot again.

Punditry is like weather forecasting; the winds can shift without warning. I remember when nobody would bet a McDonald’s Quarter Pounder that Bill Clinton would win the White House. So it’s easy to blow a big one.

Now I’m not one to hide my bad calls. When I was wrong about the 2002 elections, I dumped a garbage can on my head. When my John Kerry prediction didn’t pan out in 2004, I smashed an egg on my face. So when my old colleague George Stephanopoulos asked me on ABC what I’d do if the Republicans won Congress, I quickly changed the subject to my New Orleans Saints. They got it done in the Super Bowl.

Will I be vindicated by 2049? Given my hard-living past, I probably won’t be around to worry about it. That title will outlive me.

I someday hope to debate the man before he dies, like I said there are very few liberals out there that have my respect, he is one of them.

Time warp...

I just saw this on Drudge, to say that its freaky is a massive understatement...

MARCH 19, 2011
OBAMA: 'Today we are part of a broad coalition. We are answering the calls of a threatened people. And we are acting in the interests of the United States and the world'...

MARCH 19, 2003
BUSH: 'At this hour American and coalition forces are in the early stages of military operations to disarm Iraq, to free its people and to defend the world from grave danger...


WOW

Failbook/FML Friday (Saturday edition)

I figured that since I already posted on friday I'd wait a day for this...























Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say "Yes she did." FML

Today, I stepped away from my desk for a few minutes only to return to find the general manager installing updates on my computer. This wouldn't have been an issue had I not pulled up a website explaining in great detail the effects and causes of vaginal yeast infections. FML

conservatives are better than liberals, facts...

I got into a debate the other week that turned race related and I just wanted to address this on my blog for the record. I am a generally happy person, I love my life and where I am currently. I am employed at a great "fast food" (Jimmy Johns)
restaurant where I work 5-6 days a week. I currently am about one year short of a Bachelors of Arts degree at the U of M with a double major in political science and history but I am in no rush to get back. I want to possibly move up the corporate ladder by working my ass off, you know the old-fashioned way. I do not expect the world to hand me things on a fucking silver platter but I know being involved in politics and such that its not how MUCH you know but really WHO you know. And I know some relatively powerful people who I have built up a nice stack of IOU's for the future and I have to decide when to cash them in. Is this fair how the world works? Hell no, but I already knew that. Shit I knew that at 14 when one of my classmates asked and I quote, "My dad makes $100,000 a year, thats not that much is it?". Yeah I went to private school to get a good education but in some ways I wish I had went to a public school to get a real world education. Because the world doesn't operate the way it does at OLG or Benilde-St.Margarets. It operates like it does at Normandale Community College (which I did graduate from, I do have an AA degree) and to a lesser extent, the University of Minnesota. I have started to question the validity of a college degree and I'm not the only one, everyone should not go to college, some people aren't cut out for the work. EVERYONE though should AT LEAST go to a trade school. My upper-class friends may not know this but you know a plumber/carpenter/car mechanic and other skilled "blue-collar" jobs can earn you a lot of money. You can make very good money (and im talking like 100K, 200K and above) doing those jobs. The jobs that college "prepares" you for, 40-70K usually at most. And were running out of skilled labor jobs because my generation thinks it's "beneath" them to do those jobs. But would you rather be a lawyer making 45K a year paying of law school/college loans for 15 years or a carpenter making 80K a year right out of school? Note to my generation, the world has ENOUGH lawyers. But I digress, that was a bit of a tangent, but my point still stands that I am happy with my life and in 5-10 years hope to have a nice job, a wife, and hopefully (at least) a few kids. Thats all I need to be happy, and people don't control my happiness I do. The saying "Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you deal with it" is so true. I was bored with college so I mailed it in last semester and "quit". I'm now working a minimum wage job 25-30 hours a week and frankly I'm happier than I ever was at school. I busted my ass for a month to get a $7.25 an hour job and it was so worth it. But back to my point, studies have shown that conservatives/tea-partiers are... better informed, better educated and more successful at life, are generally happier, more generous and even better in the sack than big-government advocates, liberals, progressives and any followers of the -ism (environmentalism, feminism, activism in general)

But this pales in comparison to the main point I wanted to make, that we as conservatives are, are NOT RACIST. not only are we not racist but a whole lot less than the left. To anyone who is on the right this is no surprise, to those on the left, this has to be devastating. From SITD...

social scientists usually measure traditional racism against African Americans by looking at the survey responses of white Americans only. Among whites in the latest General Social Survey (2008), only 4.5% of small-government advocates express the view that “most Blacks/African-Americans have less in-born ability to learn,” compared to 12.3% of those who favor bigger government or take a middle position expressing this racist view (Figure 2). We social scientists sometimes like to express things in relative odds, especially for small percentages. Here the odds of small government whites not expressing racist views (21-to-1 odds) is three times higher than the odds of big-government whites not being racist (7-to-1 odds).

…but that we long-abused white male small-government are, empirically, the least-racist subgroup of all, by a whopping margin:

Figure 3 shows that, among whites, Republican advocates of smaller government are even less racist (1.3% believing that blacks have less in-born ability) than the rest of the general public (11.3% expressing racist views). Thus, in 2008 Republicans who believe that the government in Washington does too much have 10 times higher odds of not expressing racist views on the in-born ability question than the rest of the population (79-to-1 odds v. 7.9-to-1 odds).
How social conservatives who aren’t necessarily small-government – stereotypically southern? Yep – still half as likely to be a racist as a typical American:



In 2008, only 5.4% of white conservative Republicans expressed racist views on the in-born ability question, compared to 10.3% of the rest of the white population.

An aberration – perhaps caused by all that messianic hopey-changey twaddle?
Nope:


Quite clearly, the legacy of Nixon’s “southern strategy” – which was never especially racist in its own right – is long dead.

The Dems’ “racism of low expectations” is, in fact, just racism.

Maybe we need some sort of outreach program to, I dunno, judge people by the contents of their hearts rather than the color of their skin.

Bite me libs, turns out the reason you call us racist so much is not because its true but you are projecting your deep-seeded racism!

JAPAN DISASTER SPECIAL : Foamy The Squirrel

Every now and then I find something that states my feelings better than I ever could. This is one of those time, Foamy the Squirrel everyone... oh and he hates Anderson Cooper as much as I do

Failbook/FML Friday's (Sunday Edition)

It's been over six months since I've done this...





see more Failbook





see more Failbook









Today, I was involved in a wreck. How quickly did the police arrive at the scene? Very quickly, considering he was the one who rear-ended me at a red light. FML

Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

Today, in Biology, my teacher had asked me what "any living thing" was. Instead of saying "Organism", I blurted out "Orgasm". Which, as I might add, is now my new nickname. FML

Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

Today, I confronted my boyfriend, suspecting that he has been cheating on me during the past few months. He vehemently denied it. Then told me it would never happen again. What? FML

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML